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The darling reason I drink wine by Victoria Casey @englishwinegirl

The darling reason I drink wine by Victoria Casey @englishwinegirl

So, almost 4 years ago I gave up a career in pub management in order to stay at home and raise an angry Disney princess and PAC-MAN. It's safe to say that I pour far more glasses of wine now than I ever did then.

Why is it so hard? Every day I tell myself 'I'm not drinking tonight' and everyday I'm pushed so close to the edge that I would honestly drink Blossom Hill.

I love my little bundles of rage more than the world but being a 'stay at home mum' is far from roses. My house is basically a nursery. Toys, paper, play dough, food, nappies, clothes, dirty cups and plates everywhere ALL THE TIME.  Because her bedroom is readily available, Ella's wardrobe changes are at least hourly and every outfit somehow gets so filthy it needs washing, so she's a load a day on her own. If the crown she needs that day isn't to hand it's full on melt down mode and god forbid I do 2 plaits and not 1 or vice versa. Big Paddy runs around like a hamster on speed banging and crashing his way through life. I'm pretty sure his skull is now Octagonal. 'Super nanny' the patronising cow that she is owes me a new fucking wool carpet. We've only lived here since December and the 'naughty step' is bare.

I've got it down though now. 4 years later I'm practically some kind of wizard....here's the trick...let them run wild all day. Just embrace it. You can't stop them. Don't try.

Make them a tea you know they'll eat and trap them. Keep them in that high chair until they're 6 if you have to, or put some entrancing CBeebies tripe on. Then run girl! You run like the pecking wind. Fill up the wash bag, dishwasher, toy box, drawers, cupboards..anything! Hide that shit. Pour yourself 1 large glass of wine and neck half. Keep on running, wipe stuff (only wipe noticeable stuff) don't bother with stuff people don't see. That shits self cleaning. Put something easy in the oven so your husband thinks your Martha Stewart. As soon as the pig feeding is over put them immediately in the bath, do not pass go, do not collect £200. Neck the other half. Then put them straight to bed. Pour another large glass of wine.

Your house is now a cleansed den of calm and you my friend are a wizard Harry.

Fuck you Jo Frost.  

Whenever times get really bad pour some wine and remind yourself that Topsy and Tim aren't real.

VC

Because of the whole 'wine problem' I started an Instagram page. Feel free to follow it @englishwinegirl it's basically wine

 

 

The mum behind the words.

The mum behind the words.

Princess Ella

Princess Ella

PAC-MAN Patch

PAC-MAN Patch

Sugar-coating you way through motherhood by Lindsey Ware @linz_xx

Sugar-coating you way through motherhood by Lindsey Ware @linz_xx