Why being Pregnant at Christmas sucks.
Christmas is quite possibly my favourite time of year. I love everything about it, the tree, decorations, cold days, dark evenings, shopping, overindulgence, Christmas markets, turkey even Bublè!! I am a full on Buddy the Elf, so when I found out i'd be 9 months pregnant this Christmas I figured it would be an excellent, easy time to be up the duff! I could hibernate under big comfy clothes, relax all day and eat whatever I wanted. The dream.
However whilst I smuggingly (not a word) dreamt about my care free holiday a few unexpected realities became apparent which if i'm honest are just a bit shit and my favourite time of year has just become a bit well, depressing. Here's why:
Christmas is a time to party and drink:
Ok, so i'm not a complete wreck head (no, really!) but in the build up to Christmas EVERY person you know will be envienably dressed up in skimpy glittery, velvet mini dresses posting boomerangs of themselves popping bottles and sipping on Champagne whilst dancing on a table in a club. Or chicly wrapped up at a late night Christmas market drinking mulled wine, expresso martinis or even better hot chocolate Baileys saying things like 'FRI-YAY'!! You will be lying uncomfortably in bed at 8pm wearing your husbands boxers (as nothing else fits) avoiding crowds and drunks, chewing on a rennie, sipping raspberry leaf tea scrolling through your newsfeed, crying.
Christmas is a time to eat:
'You can eat what you want' This was a BIG sell for me. A Christmas season without ANY guilt. Thats mince pies, porkpies, Celebration boxes, Christmas eve Curry, Terrys Chocolate orange breakfasts and Boxing day bubble and squeak! YUM! Wrong. You can't. You not only have a 6lb dancing featus and placenta (effectively another baby) inside you taking up all the room, your body is now loaded up with progesterone, the hormone that relaxes muscles including your stomach valve which keeps acid out of your oesophagus. Yey! The flood acid gates have opened, your chest is permanently on fire and you'll be swigging on Gaviscon as an aperitif. Cheers!
Christmas is about giving:
Christmas shopping is a pretty big part of the build up, especially when you have a big family. Usually I enjoy it. I get up early, list in hand stopping off for a ginger bread latte en route to set the festive tone and bam I hit each shops full throttle before the crowds pour in. This year not so much. I've driven all the way to the Trafford centre 3 times forgetting my purse, shrinking brain lols! When I did eventually remember my life the first shop hit me with severe back ache, the 2/3 hours sleep I got caught up with me, I overheated and hormones started to fly. So I crumbled into a incomptiant mess. (I did however still manage the Ginger bread latte, albeit a decaf!) 'Do it all online' they said, well I did, and I've spent approximately 10 mornings visiting the post office to collect and send back parcels. Oh and the postal service went on strike. Yey!
Christmas is not about receiving, apparently.
So you've spent hours online trying to read reviews on a present that uncle Sid would love, and that auntie Barbs would tell all her friends about. You've tried (and failed a few times) to be in when the postman arrives with each well thought out gift and you're suddenly hit with 'We're just buying for the baby this year, hope thats ok' .......Oh ok..... but the baby isn't born yet and I've had a pretty exhausting year can't I just have one more year where you buy me gifts instead? THANKS ;)*
*I just read this to my husband he romantically chirped up with 'Yes but you'll get the best present of all in Jan'
I hope he realises thats a Chanel.
Christmas is a time to relax
If you have ever been pregnant before you'll fully understand when I say the final month of pregnancy is anything BUT relaxing. So when your great auntie pipes up at chrimbo with 'Get as much sleep as you can now before the baby comes' You'll want to punch said aunt in the face. Your baby is now fully formed. That means it could come at any time and since no labour is ever the same whether it is your first, second or tenth baby you are now playing out every labour scenario in your head. Your baby has no room to move so you are kept awake by not only nightmare forceps ingrained dreams but with punches, kicks and pelvic pressure. Throw in 5 wee's and hey presto you got approximately 2 hours sleep. Infact you're awake so much you might as well have taken santas job for the evening and delivered the worlds presents yourself.
So there we have it, a sound and solid reason not to get jiggy in April people! Of course the majority of this, whilst absolutely true, is said in jest and I whilst I may not be able to scoff my face as i'd hoped or partake in any pre christmas boozed up skinny boomerangs I am really excited about what the new year has in store and cannot wait to share the journey with you all.