Unasked for advice
Here it is, my advice on unasked for advice (oh how ironic). But lets be honest you asked for it because you're reading this. This one is to you, promiscuous advice givers. Get control of your mouth. Have a reign on that thing. Not everyone wants to hear how; you should sleep as much as possible before baby comes, or how you should not comb your hair with your hat on and my personal favourite; just relax and it will happen... I AM FUCKING RELAXED. This is essential when directing it at pregnant women.
No matter how wonderful your intentions are, shouting out semi spiritual sayings or old fashioned quotes is just annoying. I remember feeling like it was a personal attack on my inadequacies as a pregnant mother, when unasked for advice was laid upon me. Is it the pride? The surge of raging pregnant hormones taking over my body and brain? Or just you, the person providing the advice? It would anger me; anyone above the age of 40's advice was old fashioned, 'we don't let our babies drink Whiskey now Mildred', anyone who didn't have children well, they may as well of been talking to my swollen ankles and the other pregos, just because you are one week ahead of me in the run up to birth does not mean you are the Gandhi of the baby world and can spread your knowledgey seed everywhere. I did not want to hear it and the only person really benefiting from this is you. The voices in my heard would be screaming for you to stop but my face would be smiling and nodding at your big stupid advice whilst I rub my pregnant belly in the hope that the rubbing will stop your advice entering my womb.
But now I laugh in the face of unasked for advice! HA.
You free advice givers with all your wisdom and knowledge on all things advice full. The sharers of the advice world, so keen to give your opinions. For as long as Google is alive I shall not need to listen to you.
Don't be a slut. Your advice is precious, savour it, you might need it.