Three year old for sale
Nell turned three in September. That was the month it all began. The
T H R E E N A G E R
A stage I had never even considered until now. You hear about 'The Terrible Twos' but threenager? I just passed it off as a funny play on words. How naive I was. Nell has turned into a full blown Kevin, as mum used to call it, taken from Kevin and Perry Go Large, if you haven't seen it, I wouldn't rush out.
Nell now answers me back; (you have to imagine saying these with a sulky face, your flaily fringe stuck in your snot and like your tongue is a bit too big for your mouth...a Kevin) 'nothing', 'didn't do anything', 'Okaaayyyyeeehhh'. She keeps adding EHH on the end of everything which really grates on my nads 'Mummmeehhhh'! WTF?? you're three! I made you in my vagina, have a bit of respect and call me my real name, Mummy. 'I don't care' even popped out the other day. It was completely out of context and she used it as a question.. 'I don't care?' so we are brushing that one off till she knows how to actually use it and it arises its ugly head again. It makes me sad, because I do want her to care, not too much, I don't want a naked tree hugger for a daughter that gets arrested every weekend for using her boobs as a billboard for protesting vegan rights but I do want her to care and tell me about what she did at nursery or what Teddy was laying behind my bedroom door (it wasn't an egg) and I want to be Mummy forever.
We never had a difficult baby phases or terrible twos so I really don't know how to deal with this one, not to mention all her unreasonable requests, that she 100% knows are unreasonable; To sleep in my bed, Ice cream for breakfast, the ability to fly, the list goes on. She pushes the whinging to a level that I begin to understand why Van Gogh chopped off his ear. Sometimes I give her the V's behind her sun kissed angelic curly locks, I can't do it to her face, she scares me and would probably add that gem to her list of attributes. Then theres the look she gives me, its the last stage, normally when she has been told off for the whining or the ridiculous request. Tilt your head down look up from under your snotty fringe and then turn into a demon and burn a stare into my soul, and that is the look.
This threenager phase has hit me in the face like a big wet whingey fish. I don't like it at all and I want it too end. Is it just girls? Or boys too, I am worried by the time Ted is three he will be 7ft and I can't handle something that big giving me 'the look'.
When do they get nice again???
*She is not actually for sale, I like her a lot.