Welcome to The Mum Club, we are Jess and Lauren thanks for stopping by. Please let us know if we can help you with anything... 

The Mum diet

The Mum diet

'How did you lose all your baby weight' Well, we've followed this simple dietary plan. We've given you a few options. It's the easiest plan we've followed.


Toast white bread, and scramble organic eggs. Throw the egg on the floor, smear the rest into the highchair cut off the crusts of the toast and only eat those. 

Make organic oats with whole milk. Add cinnamon, blueberries and raspberries. Pick off the blue berries and raspberries and throw out the middle cinnamon covered portion of the oats. Only eat the cold dried hard oats that are stuck to the bowl. 

Take one bite of a banana.

Open the fridge, keep your head in and shut it as far as you can. Eat the 4 squares of dairy milk that are left over from last night. Warning; do not open the fridge until you have stopped chewing and swallowed. 

Cold coffee.


Make an omelette with tomato, pepper, sweet corn and cheese. Pick out all the tomato, pepper and sweet corn and eat those. 

Boil Pasta and homemade mince ragoo. Only add half the pasta to the ragoo. Eat the half with nothing on it 2 hours later when its dry and cold. 

Cut up cucumber, pepper, pitta bread and spoon out some humous. Eat the half chewed cucumber only, but only once you've picked it off the floor. 

Put fish fingers in the oven. Throw out the crumbed edge. Eat the white fish cold and drenched in ketchup. 


Pour a large glass of wine. Drink it, in one go. Repeat. 


And there you have it, our secret. You'll eat, you won't quite know what. But you'll be thin, yay. 




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