Sh*t no one tells you about
Surprisingly for the amount of apps, blogs and books on pregnancy, birth and beyond, there are quite a few things no one tells you about. Well, you know us, we like to share. So we decided to write them down and bare all. These may not all happen to you but we can guarantee that most of them will.
Honey boo boo's mum would be jealous of the swell that goes on. My toes were stumps that blended into my flump like foot and I lived in sliders because my shoes no longer fit. Most so, if they are the only thing that swells you are doing pretty well.
IT'S NOT LIKE THE MOVIES
Your waters are not like a tidal wave that sounds like a water balloon hitting the floor. Nope, more like a warm dribble down your inner thigh which can be confused with wetting yourself. Glam.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH TWICE
NO I am not just on about the multiple births. The placenta needs to come out too and if its anything like mine, it may take some pushing.
Despite the horror stories, labour is amazing and empowering. Some ladies love it a bit too much.. if you know what I mean.
PILES ARE FOR LIFE, NOT JUST FOR PREGNANCY.
Need I say more?
Sore hard angry boobies that leak if anything cries in a 5 mile radius. B feeding or no b feeding!
More like 24 hour a day for 6 weeks sweats.
AFTER BIRTH PAINS
These bad boys hit me like a bus. Not only have you just been through hours of labour and pushed a baby out your bits, you then get after pains. This is your uterus contracting back down after housing the babe. Essentially, more contractions. Some people don't experience pain, especially after the first one but holy hell it was like I was in labour again and worse with each babe OUCH!!
YOUR MILK MAY NOT COME IN STRAIGHT AWAY
Mine took 5 days with the twins.
BLEEDING FOR WEEKS AFTER
Its impressive how much blood loss women can survive.
Theirs.. blacktar. Poops going forward, you will never look at chicken korma the same.
Yours.. just think back to labour and breath.
YOUR FIRST WEE
Take a squirty water bottle and stay hydrated!
You will spend the next year sterilising everything to then let them eat stuff off the floor with the dog.
‘Tricky day number 5’ You’re so happy, really fucking tired but so happy, and then all of a sudden you feel incredibly sad, like you’ve had all the happy sucked out of you. It’s like a black hole swollows you and you feel like maybe you won’t be able to get out. But a week or so later you are back. The changes in chemical and hormone levels are to blame. Its hormones... you'll be fine.
YOU FORGET EVERYTHING AND DO IT AGAIN.