I won't lie to you. Initially nursery sang to me...a sweet song that went something like...'you'll be able to shower and grocery shop alone..lalala'...I walked around chosing a nursery like I was a gymnast ready to routine, head held high and confident. I walked away feeling like I'd made 100% the right decision in sending Ronnie in May at 15 months. Two days a week, the least you could do at this nursery. With no family near by it would be a chance for me to catch a breath, and a chance for her to socialise and interact with children her own age. My husband was game too, he came with me to the walk around and he too felt it was right.
But then I told my mum, a person I value the opinion of very much. She told me that she thought Ronnie was too young, and that soon enough she'd be in a system with schooling and then she'd be away for ever. Whilst she is young, and you can do so, keep her at home. Her opinion was that nursery don't give the one on one attention that we give a baby at home and that she'll get ill a lot and that whilst I have the opportunity to be at home with her, I should be.
Cue my total freak out.
I'm talking the crying kind of freak out. These were all the doubts and feelings I had in my heart and head and they were being vocalised by the person I listen to the most. PANIC. I begin to wonder if I'd made the right decision. So many kids I know are sick all the time from nursery..Should I be keeping her at home with me for as long as possible. What if I miss something, what if she misses me... and so on and so on.. the flood gates were open and the mum guilt was pouring out..Have I not thought this through hard enough? I didn't sleep for days with worry.
But then, after a lot of tears and heavy heart to hearts with my husband I realised one thing. You have to do what is right for you. You see, although my mums opinion matters to be greatly, more so than anyones- she is my guiding light. She is not in my situation, nor was my sister (who has three kids and lives 20 minutes from my mum) Thats not to say they didn't and don't have it tough, parenting is hard no matter your set up. But with no-one to help me within a 200 mile radius I don't have a moment to myself and I have to think about what is going to suit our lives, and our set up.
I suppose the fact that I don't HAVE to send Ronnie to nursery pangs the Mum guilt on me two fold. Yes, I could look after her 24 hours a day all day every day on my own. That is possible. But, I have done that now for the past 13 months, it'll be 15 in may and whilst I love her with every inch of my being and our time together is only getting more fun, I also really require my own time to be the best mum that I can be. I can use that time to work and build the life I want her to have so badly.
Opinion needs to be just that an opinion. We all have different set ups and different needs. It is so important to remember that when listening to anyone, including those close to you. Of course you have done the thinking, the over thinking. But nursery for me and Ronnie means she gets to meet friends, have fun and do things that I don't have the capacity to do every day and I will get the time to reboot ready for 5 days of us together again.
And you know what, if it doesn't work out I'll take her out. Simple. Maybe here I'm over justifying my decision, but in all honesty I need the help.