Learnings from the second year as a first time mum
Can you believe another year has nearly past- WTAF. Those that have followed us from the beginning will remember the learnings from year one. For those that don’t take a look at them here before you read on. The second year for me has been WAY better. Am I the only one that has found that? I’d never wish life away but that first year can F*** right off. No thank you. Year two is better. More attitude but BETTER. In my opinion of course. So in true TMC spirit here are some very honest learnings:
PEPPA PIG, ALTHOUGH A LIFE SAVER IS ACTUALLY A BIT OF A TWAT.
Have you ever actually sat down and watched an episode? Peppa is this whiny spoilt little shit. Of course i’ll still let her watch it, I just chime in with ‘this is how not to act’ every now and then which makes me feel less bad but also allows me to wee/cook/breath alone for 5 minutes.
‘IT’S A PHASE’ IS THE WORST THING YOU’LL HEAR OUT OF ANOTHER MOTHERS (PROBABLY YOUR OWN) MOUTH.
We know. But when you are in it it feels like it may never end. Now bore off and let us moan abut it.
MUMS LIE ABOUT HOW MUCH THIER KIDS SLEEP
Maybe its a way of coping, lying to themselves that everything is good. But do not be fooled little David is actually a devil at night and mummy 'has to wake him up at 8am’ after being up with him at 3am, 4am, 5 am, 6 am too…
YOU’LL FORGO GOOD COFFEE IF THE PLAY AREA IS BETTER IN ANOTHER CAFE
YOUR CHILD DRESSED UP AS MINI MOUSE MIGHT BE THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN.
Mini, Mickey, Elsa, Woody.. whatever floats their boat. The sheer joy of watching them pretend to be their favourite character will make your heart explode into a million pieces.
YOU CAN NO LONGER HAVE NICE THINGS. THEY WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING IN THIER PATH
JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE SAID NO, DOES NOT MEAN THEY MEAN NO.
YOU’LL HAPPILY LET YOU CHILD SPIT UNWANTED FOOD INTO YOUR HAND.
THEY CAN DEBROBE IN TESCOS QUICKER THAN YOU CAN DESHELF THE WINE AISLE
SAYING FUCK AT LEAST ONCE A DAY DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF THIER LIFE WILL EVENTUALLY CATCH YOU OUT, PROBABLY WHEN NANA IS OVER…
Oh duck, quack quack… yes lovely duck…..!!!!!
THEY WILL EAT 10% OF THE FOOD YOU COOK, UNLESS YOU MADE IT FOR YOURSELF.
THEY SAY THEY WANT TOYS. BUT BY TOYS THEY MEAN ANYTHING THAT ISNT ACTUALLY A TOY.
Make up, screw drivers, ornaments, remotes, iPhones, water bottles, all much more fun than the £30 toy you just purchased for them.
YOU WILL BECOME A LIONESS.
Watching them play with other children you’ll sit queasily but want to scream..Don’t you dare touch my kid, or share with her you little shit.
THERE IS NO MRS HINCH TRICK TO UN STINK STINKY BUNNY.
Boil wash him at least once a week. He will never be soft and pretty again but that germ containing stink needs controlling.
DAILY FRESH AIR IS KEY FOR EVERYONE
A park, a walk or open the back doors and let them run. It is good for everyone to blow out some cobwebs.
PERSONAL SPACE IS NO LONGER A THING
If they see with you they will sleep on your face. If you cuddle they will elbow you in the eye.
YOUR HEART WILL SKIP A BEAT EVERY SINGLE DAY
GOING ON A DATE NIGHT WILL NOW BANKRUPT YOU.
Cinema anyone? Oh wait that’ll be £60…cheers baby-sitters.
THE NEWBORN EXHAUSTION DOESN’T END AT NEWBORN
HEARING THEM TALK WILL MAKE YOU PROUDER THAN YOU’VE EVER FELT
Even if they are calling you by your first name or shouting ‘shit’ in sainos!
GOOD BABY SITTERS WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIENDS.
Pay for the help you need. Good baby sitters will give you freedom. Find them, love them ad hold onto them for dear life.
YOU’LL PROBABLY THINK ABOUT HAVING ANOTHER