Hi.

Welcome to The Mum Club, we are Jess and Lauren thanks for stopping by. Please let us know if we can help you with anything... 

You won't be doing that when you're a mum.

You won't be doing that when you're a mum.

I cannot begin to tell you how much this sentence GRATES me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate where it is coming from. Usually from a mother so knackered that she has forgotten to shave her armpits in days, has yesterdays cereal stuck in her hair and is so sleep deprived she puts the phone in the fridge, regularly. Or from a grandmother who in their day had to wash and ring out nappies each time one was soiled whilst visiting eight different shops to get their weekly groceries. I am by no means judging or suggesting that they are wrong in any shape or form. The reality is, I probably won't be doing 'that' when I am a mum. The point here I'm trying to make is the joy of being pregnant for the first time is that you are in a bubble of euphoria, naive to the (slightly shit) reality that awaits you. When in gods name did it become ok to burst this bubble so frequently. I don't go around telling you how great life is without children so why would you want me to fear how shit its going to be once they are here. 

Things I am aware will not happen but will pretend they will:

1. Getting back to my wedding weight a few weeks after I have baby Webs. 
Reasons I'm aware I won't: Your crotch is still a crime scene, you can't walk, your boobs are gigantic red hot balls of hell and you haven't slept or moved from your bed in well over 6 weeks.

2. Continue running my event business without a maternity break.
Reasons i'm aware I won't: Your hormones are at an all time HIGH and you hate everyone. Baby brain is in full effect and you can't even remember you're own name. You still haven't moved from your bed and no bride is going to want you breast feeding your newborn whilst you talk about hors d'oeuvres. 

3. Getting back into my Agent provocateur underwear to show my husband what he's been missing recently.
Reasons i'm aware I won't : See reasons 1 & 2. 

LW

It's not you... it's me

It's not you... it's me

It's Britney B*tch

It's Britney B*tch