Holy shit, I'm pregnant.
We are in Saigon or Ho Chi Minh City as its now known as. The largest city in Vietnam. It's May, It's 40 degrees, and 100% humidity. We are a constant state of moist (and no, not in the good way). We've just checked in at The Sanovua, a (generous) 3* hotel at a rate £17 per night. The aircon is buzzing, which by no-means means it is working. It's blowing out lukewarm air. The bed is hard and the sheets are like crisp A4 pieces of paper. Thin and rigid. The saving grace is that it is clean (I have some other stories that didn't end so well).
You see its the boys off season and we are backpacking from Cambodia up through Vietnam for a month on our honeymoon, a year after we got married. Most people say honeymoon and people think the Maldives, Bora Bora, a hut in the sea, a few weeks of lying down with endless mojitos and pool snacks. Not us. Fulfilling my husbands missed youth of university and a gap yaaar, we use each rugby off season to travel the world and what better time to do it than before we are tied down with kids... Oh how relevant.
I'm 10 days late. Despite trying for children for a while I was now in a state of denial. It must be the flight that has messed me up. What flying couldn't explain was my inability to taste, smell, look at, be in any sort of perimeter of Vietnamese food. For anyone that has ever traveled through Vietnam you'll be aware that there is one key ingredient to Vietnamese cuisine. Fish Sauce. (I am hacking just typing this) Anyway I wake in said luke-warm room on said hard bed after a night of many beers and fish sauce (hack) cuisine and feel its time to bite the bullet and find a pharmacy.
Now, a pharmacy in a developing country. Wow. Think dodgy pick 'n' mix store and sweat shop factory. Combine them and stick them down a filthy alley way lined with street food vendors. Thats sweaty chicken and you guessed it MORE fish sauce (Hack). My husband rubs his tummy and mimes peeing on a stick (yes, I wish i'd filmed it too) which works and we are handed all sorts of contraptions.
As I find the nearest (less than hygienic) loo to pee into a tub the size of a thimble, I think of all the people that gave me that unsolicited advise ' It will happen when you least it expect it'. They were bloody right weren't they.