How I got my babies to sleep through the night

It all started with baby no.1. I was never big into reading the books or asking every mother I came into contact with for advice, but I was a googler! I don't even want to look back over my google history, I'd either be arrested or put down! BUT good old google has that no judgement policy. She promises not to roll her eyes when you type in 'how do i get baby poo out of the carpet?' or run and tell her mates that you asked her 'would I be arrested if I leave baby in the car whilst I paid for petrol?' You can literally ask her anything and she will immediately direct you to a bunch of other like minded poor souls going through the same shit. Sad but comforting. 

Maternity Shoe game.

Never has their been a better time to be pregnant or a mum when it comes to shoes. Finally the flat shoe game is at its peak, we can be stylish and comfortable whilst carrying around an extra few stone or running around after a kid. HURRAH! 

Is there a right time?

I remember sitting in my bathroom wearing my boyfriends hoody staring at the two red lines appearing on my very own pregnancy test. I was 21 years old, just over two thirds of the way through my dance performance degree and commuting to London on a daily basis.

Party like a toddle

My first born was three on thursday *cries*.  Although the thought of her growing up too quickly makes me want to lock her away in that cupboard under the stairs from a life of boys, tweezers and comparison. I am completely embracing the years I have left to throw her birthday parties with my influence, my colour scheme, and where she still thinks I'm cool. 

Bad ass Banana & Nutella loaf

I am a self confessed foodie.

- If "foodie" consists of eating, instagramming and rating out of 10.

On a serious note, I am no connoisseur but I do know a good dish when I try one and this is possibly the best combination known to (wo)man. 

Judging, the passing it on effect.

A common discussion amongst women we speak to is this notion of being scared of being judged on thier mothering choices by other people, and more worryingly so their piers. I want to know what has got us into this mess. Why do we feel that those people that are close to us are judging us on our parental decisions? Surely we have born and most importantly kept alive a small human being; the hardest job on the planet

Sink or swim

I decided to take the babies swimming. Our local Virgin has the most brilliant pool for kids. With slides, water fountains and the waters only deep enough to drown if your trying really hard. 

So anyway off we went, particularly prepared. Cossies on under easily removable, loose fitting clothing. No socks just flipflops to avoid all risk of difficulty getting them back on to damp tired wriggly bodies. Nells armbands applied, no longer need to look after that one now.

Trigger word

I always used to think what a tit some people would look when mid conversation they would stop and spell out S H I T or S W E E T S. I mean, come on is it really necessary? Will your child combust at the sound of a delicious sugary snack??  (I don't mean S H I T obvs).

Tits are amazing.

When I first drafted this article early this morning in bed on my phone Notes autocorrected 'Tits' to 'Toys'. Which I of course laughed at. The irony is this is exactly how I saw my breasts right up until I fell pregnant.

It's not you... it's me

Too selfish to co-sleep?

Hats off to you co-sleeper mums. I always wonder if I could of been in your club...but then I laugh and get back to my child free evening with a big bottle of Prosecco and all the Kardashians. Don't get me wrong, I tried-if it wasn't for the experiences with my first born I might have made it, but sleeping with a sweaty baby race horse isn't easy, nor revitalising.

It's Britney B*tch

It seems as though my soon to be threenager is going through Britney's 2007 meltdown stage. If this even is a stage, because it bloody should be! I don't remember reading anything in Dr Spock about a toddler mimicking symptoms of Britney's historic drug relapse!

Holy shit, I'm pregnant.

We are in Saigon or Ho Chi Minh City as its now known as. The largest city in Vietnam. It's May, It's 40 degrees, and 100% humidity. We are a constant state of moist (and no, not in the good way).